An homage to Sir Willis

In life, we sometimes find ourselves floundering in places and situations seemingly out of our control; a crowded airport, a bustling subway, a towering inferno of death and destruction. It is common at these times for one to fall in a pathetic snivelling heap of despair and desperation, calling upon some higher power to relieve the pain, the suffering.

The truth is, the world has gone soft. We have become a sticky conglomerate of all things weak and spineless. World Peace? LAME. Abolition of Captial Punishment? LAME. Man up world, take a lesson from a god amongst men, a badass enforcer of all things hard and gritty. Throw away your rose-coloured dieties, it's time to set your feeble value systems alight. So the next time you find yourself holed up in a schoolyard hostage situation, don't look to God, instead ask WHAT WOULD BRUCE WILLIS DO? Because we all know that whatever he did, it would be explosive, it would show scant regard for collateral damage, and it would be finished with an epic one-liner to make that baddy die just a little bit harder.

For inspiration, i have included a random sample of Mr Willis' many filmic triumphs. Please take note of the precise way in which Bruce fashions scorn lines around the mouth, and intense furrows of concentration above the eyes. These are two vital ingredients in the spicy laksa that is the Willis personality.





If you are feeling a little dejected by the prospect of a life filled with penetrating stares and pungent masculinity, don't despair, as Bruce shows us that it's ok to sometimes goof around, and crack that weathered face into a steely smile.

Feeling tougher already? You should be, because the next time you go down the street to buy a pistachio gelato you may well walk straight into the middle of a siege, a terrorist plot, or a heist of some sinister description.

I often find it worthwhile to meditate, but not the pussy kind that is all baggy pants and dolphins and gongs. Take time to find your inner John McClane, channel the spirit of violence that has become hidden beneath a flimsy veneer of unity. Promote the betterment of your mind by only thinking of naked women, cigars, and the nearest points of exit and entry in whatever establishment you may find yourself in, in the event of an invasion.

I will leave you now, not with any profound snippets of my own, but with some B.W quotes for your own personal contemplation.

- Katey

*Let me ask you something Carmine. What sets off the metal detector first? The lead in your ass, or the shit in your brain?
*Look, lady I only speak two languages: English and Bad English!
*[As he pushes a chair loaded with plastic explosives into the elevator shaft] Geronimo, motherfucker!
*That's gonna wake the neighbours.